Confession Bear Time: Being an Introvert

“Kumakain ka mag-isa?”

This, with matching sympathetic head tilt, is the greeting I usually get when someone I know spots me eating lunch by myself. It happens almost daily. Usually, I reply with an embarrassed half-smile and say “Oo nga, eh.” But inside I’m thinking, there’s nothing wrong or sad about the prospect of spending quality time with me. In fact, I prefer it that way.

Let me get something straight, though. I am NOT antisocial. I do love socializing, laughing and bantering with my friends, every now and then. It’s just that, as an introvert, these “activities” that outgoing people take for granted are things that I have to work hard for. Most people misunderstand this and say that I’m a loner or, worse, that I’m being plain indifferent. Total myth. It’s just that hanging out with people, even with people I’m close to, takes a lot out of me. It’s draining, but I try really hard not to show it. I don’t want to be an ass about it. I make an effort to be a little bit more “normal,” according to society’s standards. But, occasionally, I do have to power down and pull myself back together, or I will lose it.

For those who interact with me on a daily basis, if you haven’t already noticed, I have “prepared” answers to common greetings, designed specifically to cut the conversation as short as possible. Small-talk is a pain. I never know what to say, except smile and laugh and hope the other person won’t think I’m mentally retarded, or something. I get by, but that’s it.

In spite of all those negative side effects, I’m not ashamed of being an introvert. I can’t imagine being anything or anyone else. I’m content and here’s why:

1. I’m rarely involved in any controversies or rumours around the workplace (that I’m aware of). In any case, if there were any, I couldn’t care less.
2. My imagination is awesome.
3. I can process a great amount of information faster and deeper and more multi-dimensional than most people, because I have mastered the art of thought.
4.  Because of my awesome thinking skills, my writing is so kick-ass, I rarely need a draft. (Not bragging, just stating a fact…. Ok, maybe I’m bragging a little. Indulge me.)
5. My previous landlords/landladies simply adored me since I hardly made any noise, or any sound for that matter.
6. Silence is never awkward.
7. I’m not afraid to be alone, because I can keep myself company.

So the next time you see me looking so serious or faraway, don’t worry about me. That’s just me deep in thought. You don’t have to fill the silence with needless chit-chat, because I’m good. When you see me eating lunch by myself, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m really just okay. J