Clockwork

I am a clockwork toy

with a missing Key.
I'm more alive inside
than everyone else can see.
I'm a riot -
an explosion -
waiting to happen
inside my head.
But, with nothing to wind me,
to release me,
I might as well be dead.
I'm not certain
where broken toys go.
But, I don't think
I want to know.
That Key
better turn up
because I'm not ready
to lose hope
and give up.
I'm a clockwork toy
with a missing Key.
But I'm still here,
still waiting
to finally
be set free.

Response to Inferno by Dan Brown

“It has always been this way. Death is followed by birth. To reach paradise, man must pass through inferno.” 

― Dan Brown, Inferno

                I’ve always tried to see the world in black and white because moral grey areas tend to create circular, sometimes paradoxical arguments that only end up confusing me. However, for a second there, author Dan Brown in his latest instalment of the Robert Langdon series, Inferno, made me doubt my own long-established beliefs about life and death and the future of mankind. And that mere second was enough to unhinge me.

                Inferno narrates how famous professor and symbologist Robert Langdon races against time (and powerful enemies) to decipher codes and clues that will help him stop a mad genius from unleashing a scientific creation of apocalyptic potential; a potential to decimate a third of the world’s population.

                I’ve been reading books since I was 4 and in that time, the roles of the protagonists and the antagonists have always been clear cut: the former are the good guys and the latter are the bad guys. This is something I have never ever questioned and have taken as a given. That is, until now.

I find myself both fascinated and horrified that, for the first time, I understand and even agree (to a certain extent) with the antagonist of this story, The Lanky Man with Green Eyes. He believed that, at this rate, if humankind continues to procreate, our species will eradicate what resources we have left on this earth and, ultimately, die out. Mathematically speaking, this is an undeniable truth and for that reason, he intends to release a virus that would put a stop to the exponential growth of the world's population. But then, here lies the dilemma… the moral grey area I was referring to: who are we to play God? Why can’t we just let nature take its course since the only real salvation for humanity lies in the coming of the Kingdom of God? But then, here’s another counter argument (yes, I occasionally debate with myself): If we have the ability and the resources to save ourselves, why shouldn’t we do it? We have been doing it for decades with anti-aging products and surgical procedures designed for longevity. So how is this any different?

I’m just going to let those questions hang there because I can debate with myself all day long and still not come up with a reasonably justifiable answer.

However, for the record, I still stick to my beliefs as a Christian and that’s not changing anytime soon. (WrittenBy:AyesahTecson)

Quick Self-Portrait (well, more like a sketch)

Rainy weather sentiments...

Reality Check

"Despereaux squared his shoulders. He had made a decision. He would be brave for the princess. Even if there was no such thing as happily ever after." (DiCamillo, 'The Tale of Despereaux' 2004)

As a kid, I used to love reading and watching fairy tales. I used to beam with happiness whenever Prince Charming comes to the rescue and gets the girl. I used to look forward to the ending because the best part is when the narrator says “…and they lived happily ever after.” But I found that, as I grew older, reality isn’t as charming and happy as those tales made it seem.

No matter how much you want to believe in a fairy god mother, there is none. You’ll have to work your butt off to get what you want because there’s nothing out there that’ll grant you your wishes (I know, because, in some of the darkest moments, I’m ashamed to admit that I tried and it didn’t work).  

We may have a real-life prince, but he’s married, and so are all the other good guys out there. Even then, their married lives aren’t “happily ever after.” Have you seen divorce rates? Crazy.

And what’s left for us single ladies/gentlemen out there? A couple of frogs who’ll just bite you if you try to kiss them.

It’s so easy to give up. To just wallow in depression and self-pity and envy that this world we live in can’t be like the ones in the books we read.

But, what good will that do?

It’s true, we can’t always get what we want but that’s not always a bad thing. You just need to accept the fact that we live in the real world. And in this world, getting your head stuck above the clouds won’t get you anywhere. You can’t put your life on hold, hoping that something better is coming. You just need something to live for or to strive for. If not for someone else, then do it for yourself. Life’s too short to waste on inert wishful thinking. (Yes, I know this post is full of clichés, but you can’t deny the truth behind them.)

If a mouse can be brave… if a mouse can face the unknown unflinchingly… if a mouse can see the Light in the Dark…

Why can’t I?

Why can’t you?

Confession Bear Time: Being an Introvert

“Kumakain ka mag-isa?”

This, with matching sympathetic head tilt, is the greeting I usually get when someone I know spots me eating lunch by myself. It happens almost daily. Usually, I reply with an embarrassed half-smile and say “Oo nga, eh.” But inside I’m thinking, there’s nothing wrong or sad about the prospect of spending quality time with me. In fact, I prefer it that way.

Let me get something straight, though. I am NOT antisocial. I do love socializing, laughing and bantering with my friends, every now and then. It’s just that, as an introvert, these “activities” that outgoing people take for granted are things that I have to work hard for. Most people misunderstand this and say that I’m a loner or, worse, that I’m being plain indifferent. Total myth. It’s just that hanging out with people, even with people I’m close to, takes a lot out of me. It’s draining, but I try really hard not to show it. I don’t want to be an ass about it. I make an effort to be a little bit more “normal,” according to society’s standards. But, occasionally, I do have to power down and pull myself back together, or I will lose it.

For those who interact with me on a daily basis, if you haven’t already noticed, I have “prepared” answers to common greetings, designed specifically to cut the conversation as short as possible. Small-talk is a pain. I never know what to say, except smile and laugh and hope the other person won’t think I’m mentally retarded, or something. I get by, but that’s it.

In spite of all those negative side effects, I’m not ashamed of being an introvert. I can’t imagine being anything or anyone else. I’m content and here’s why:

1. I’m rarely involved in any controversies or rumours around the workplace (that I’m aware of). In any case, if there were any, I couldn’t care less.
2. My imagination is awesome.
3. I can process a great amount of information faster and deeper and more multi-dimensional than most people, because I have mastered the art of thought.
4.  Because of my awesome thinking skills, my writing is so kick-ass, I rarely need a draft. (Not bragging, just stating a fact…. Ok, maybe I’m bragging a little. Indulge me.)
5. My previous landlords/landladies simply adored me since I hardly made any noise, or any sound for that matter.
6. Silence is never awkward.
7. I’m not afraid to be alone, because I can keep myself company.

So the next time you see me looking so serious or faraway, don’t worry about me. That’s just me deep in thought. You don’t have to fill the silence with needless chit-chat, because I’m good. When you see me eating lunch by myself, don’t feel sorry for me. I’m really just okay. J

The Teacher Bill of Rights

Saw this gem from WeAreTeachers.com and I completely agree. Sadly, this isn't always the case for teachers, especially in third world countries.